Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Please Excuse the Mess, My Family is Making Memories

In the 1 1/2 years of Gary and I being married, I cannot tell you how many times I start crying because I feel I  am a terrible wife because I just can't seem to keep the house clean. Our first home was on a farm so it was ALWAYS dusty and dirty, no matter how much I swept there was always dirt on the floor. We don't have a dishwasher so there is always dishes to be done. And now with a 8 month old, who takes poor naps, I  can never find the time to do much around the house. It is always my goal to get the laundry done, especially if it is a Sunny Day because we don't have a dyer ( I am thankful for a Washing Machine, we ran out of washing powder last month and I did one load by hand. I have to say Gary was sick and I can't drive his car so i was stuck to do it by hand until my mother in law saw me and went and bought me washing powder {makes me very grateful for my machine even more}. ) But if i get the laundry washed and hung on the line and getting dinner made is all I get done in one day then I am very lucky.  Gary tells me not worry about it, but all I think about is all those times I got into trouble as a kid for being messy. I am not a neat freak like my sister. I struggle to stay organized, it might have something to do with my learning disability but I don't know. I get stressed out when I have to organize stuff. Heather use to help me when i was at home with all my organizing. She even packed my bags when I came to Cape Town the first time.

Last month when Gary was sick, so sick he didn't leave the bed for a week and had a fever in the 40C/ 104F. I had to take care of him and Lilly and make sure Lilly didn't get sick as well. One day i had to go to the shops so My Father in Law came and picked me up and my Mother in law stayed with Lilly. My house looked like a tornado had hit it, but I was so exhausted every night after Lilly went to bed that I just couldn't think of cleaning. I was so embarrassed because our messiest part the house was our bedroom and my mother in law sat in there to chat with Gary while Lilly was sleeping. Gary reassured me that his parents didn't care and they understood that I have a baby and a sick husband, but all the moments of getting in trouble growing up for having a messing bedroom kept flooding back to me.

I cannot tell you how many times I have cried on Gary's shoulder about this issue and he keeps telling me that he and Lilly are my main priority and if the house work doesn't get done then it doesn't get done. We don't live in a house but a home, and to get over it. He tells me if I get one chore done a day then to be happy with that. But I fear people think I am Lazy...I mean what do I do all day, I'm a stay at home mom. I take care of a baby, which is a full time job.

So my new painting for our walls is going to be "Please Excuse the Mess, My Family is Making Memories"...mostly to remind myself that we don't live in a house but a home and Lilly and our future children are more important and I want them to know that Mommy wants to spend time with them instead of the dishes, vacuum and bleach. And I want them to have GOOD memories growing up...

My new painting
And when Lilly gets old enough and if more children come along I hope to start her and them with age appropriate chores.