Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Do Not Fear! Trust me!

It is amazing to me how God will lead you where he wants you to go when you are willing to trust and follow him. A year and half ago I was frozen with the idea of leaving this land in which I love. I love Kenya, I knew I did, but I was sure I couldn't pack up my things and move to Africa. Then I went back to Kenya, with Jerry Bridges book “ Trusting God” in hand. Who knew that trust would be the theme for the whole trip. Mr. Bridges writes “ God does as HE pleases, only as HE pleases, and works out every event to bring about the accomplishment of HIS will. Such a bare unqualified statement of the sovereignty of God would terrify us if that were all we knew about God, But God is not only sovereign, HE is perfect in love and infinite in wisdom”.
I knew God had a plan for me I just didn’t trust him. I didn’t trust that I would be rejoicing in the aspect of the will when it was not what I had conjured up for my life and future. I had a plan, But that plan was destroyed and crumpled to ground during my Sophomore year of College. And I had been walking around scared of failing all over again. But while in Kenya God taught me to not be afraid. The Verse that came up in that trip of 2008 was Isaiah 43. “DO NOT FEAR, for I have redeemed you, I have called you by name, you are mine.” Then I met a man named Simon. He was a pastor in Nairobi. He pulled me aside one morning and said “ I saw a picture of you last night. In your eyes I saw fear and a troubled past. God wants me to tell you Not to be afraid, but to trust in Him” Two more times that day some one told be not to be afraid, God is in control.
Trust God. Do not Fear. Got it!? You can say it but it is hard to put into practice. I returned home with a deeper passion. A passion to follow Gods will. Here is a prayer I wrote soon after arriving home.
Dear Heavenly Father
Thank you so much for choosing me before the foundations of the earth were even formed.
Thank you for paying the adoption fee and welcoming into your holy family. A family whom I am not worthy to be apart of.
Lord, give me wisdom for my future. Reveal your self and your perfect will to me. For I know you work out all things according to your scriptures.
Lord, help me to walk in a manner that is worthy of your calling. Help to be an imitator of you and glorify your name in all that I do.
In your Holy Sons Name
Soon after writing this prayer my Dad asked me “ If you feel called to go to Africa what are you doing about it?” I told him “ I am waiting on the Lord to open the door for me” Daddy said “ Honey, sometimes you have to knock.”
I knocked and the Door was open. Not the door I hoped though. I was told that Kenya didn’t have a place for me, but Ethiopia might. I approached it. I was hesitant, it was a medical mission. I was not medical, AT ALL. But I said God I trust you if this is where you want me, then I will go.
The next month I went to a MTW Vision retreat. It is a retreat were people come and explore the idea of what the mission field is and Is it where God wants them. My first night there I met a man who would change my future for ever. I stumbled across Bill Carr in the Lobby of our hotel. He asked me where I was thinking about going. I told him East Africa. I said I wanted to work in the Street Children ministry. He asked me to consider South Africa. I heartedly said that I would, not really expecting much, since I was being called to Ethiopia, right?

I had a sleepless night after that. I stayed awake with the idea that Maybe God was telling me something. I prayed all night long, asking God that if he wanted me in South Africa to reveal that to me. The next morning, Bill and Susan Carr gave a presentation about Joburg and what they do there. My heart was captured. After the presentation I immediately went up to them and asked if we could talk more about what someone like me could do there. We spent two hours talking. It was wonderful. I knew at that point that God wanting me in South Africa.
For months I thought I was going to Joburg, until once again God intervened and said trust me and do not be afraid. Bill called me early one Saturday morning and asked me what I thought about changing cities. Bill and Susan had been asked to go to Cape Town. They felt that their gifts could be used better there. I told them as long as I had some children to serve I would be fine to go there. God has opened a lot of opportunities for me to minister and serve the needs of the little ones. I am eager to go. No longer afraid. Because I know I serve an Almighty GOD. One who will never leave or abandon HIS saints. His will is more perfect then I could have ever willed for myself. It might not be like my childhood dream for my future. But I will have TONS of children to love on and they will become mine.