One of those days

Do you ever feel like any moment the damns are about to break and anything can set off? Well that has been me all day.

My hormones are a little bit crazy at moment, but I just feel like I am going to loose it, and I did...changing a diaper.

 my baby girl... She got her 9 month shots yesterday. The first one she hardly cried, but the second one, she ripped mine, Gary's  as well as the nurse hearts out, with her tears and can't catch your breath crying. It was awful. So she was a little fussy yesterday... She is teething and now she got her Measles and Whooping Cough shots so she is just a mess. I wound up having a migraine yesterday afternoon (thanks hormones and weather), so needless to say I barely had any energy today. and my clingy little girl who only wanted Mommy just wore me out. It is so nice to be loved and wanted...I miss when she was 6 weeks old and I could just snuggle her all day, But it can be overwhelming at times too. I love her playful, busy little self, but today that wasn't her. She wanted to play, but she was miserable. Her mouth hurts and she doesn't feel 100% because of stupid shots. Her whine today tore me apart... She does this thing where she whines cruises over to me, i pick her up and she lays her head down on my chest and sucks her thumb, then looks at me and cries...as if to say mommy help me, I don't feel well. It breaks my heart.

During her 5th poopy diaper change of the day, she just started wailing, as if in pain. She does have a diaper rash...looking back on the situation that is probably why she was crying, but at the moment I lost it. I started crying and telling her I didn't know what to do, tell me what to do...Gary kindly came in and took over...

Hoping for a better day tomorrow. Who ever says being a mommy is easy has never been a mommy. Its days like today that make me wish my momma and sisters lived close by.

Powerful Poisons come in small packages

This is an Afrikaans saying, and it so applies to Lilly.

I am one tired momma. I am thankful she is sleeping through the night which she started doing at about 6 1/2 months. Because she is constantly going. She use to get so frustrated that she couldn't get where she wanted to go. Then she started crawling and would get frustrated that she wasn't fast enough. Now she is crawling all over the house and she is pulling up on everything she can. She wants my attention a lot of the time and barely takes naps. She takes a short nap in the morning then crashes right after lunch and sleeps for several hours (which I am thankful for) then she may or may not take another short nap later in the afternoon. She is so busy she didn't gain any weight from her 7 month check to her 8 month check and only grew 1/2 a cm. so She is still tiny.

Time to lower the mattress....

8 month pic...Wearing Aunt Heathers dress Papa bought for her to come home int he hospital...it was to big for heather at birth but fits Lilly perfectly at 8 months

Loving these pigtails

She has a great appetite...She will eat anything we give her...just hopes this last 

will pull up on anything, but hasn't quite figured out how to get back down

She is definitely a sinner, and wants her own way. It took 45 mins for her to eat her cereal one morning, because mommy wasn't going fast enough and she was throwing fits...Daddy had to keep taking her to the bed room and spank her and bring her back after she was calm. It was quite an ordeal. But she is just so darn cute, even when she is crying out of frustration she is cute...which makes discipline hard for me.  

Please Excuse the Mess, My Family is Making Memories

In the 1 1/2 years of Gary and I being married, I cannot tell you how many times I start crying because I feel I  am a terrible wife because I just can't seem to keep the house clean. Our first home was on a farm so it was ALWAYS dusty and dirty, no matter how much I swept there was always dirt on the floor. We don't have a dishwasher so there is always dishes to be done. And now with a 8 month old, who takes poor naps, I  can never find the time to do much around the house. It is always my goal to get the laundry done, especially if it is a Sunny Day because we don't have a dyer ( I am thankful for a Washing Machine, we ran out of washing powder last month and I did one load by hand. I have to say Gary was sick and I can't drive his car so i was stuck to do it by hand until my mother in law saw me and went and bought me washing powder {makes me very grateful for my machine even more}. ) But if i get the laundry washed and hung on the line and getting dinner made is all I get done in one day then I am very lucky.  Gary tells me not worry about it, but all I think about is all those times I got into trouble as a kid for being messy. I am not a neat freak like my sister. I struggle to stay organized, it might have something to do with my learning disability but I don't know. I get stressed out when I have to organize stuff. Heather use to help me when i was at home with all my organizing. She even packed my bags when I came to Cape Town the first time.

Last month when Gary was sick, so sick he didn't leave the bed for a week and had a fever in the 40C/ 104F. I had to take care of him and Lilly and make sure Lilly didn't get sick as well. One day i had to go to the shops so My Father in Law came and picked me up and my Mother in law stayed with Lilly. My house looked like a tornado had hit it, but I was so exhausted every night after Lilly went to bed that I just couldn't think of cleaning. I was so embarrassed because our messiest part the house was our bedroom and my mother in law sat in there to chat with Gary while Lilly was sleeping. Gary reassured me that his parents didn't care and they understood that I have a baby and a sick husband, but all the moments of getting in trouble growing up for having a messing bedroom kept flooding back to me.

I cannot tell you how many times I have cried on Gary's shoulder about this issue and he keeps telling me that he and Lilly are my main priority and if the house work doesn't get done then it doesn't get done. We don't live in a house but a home, and to get over it. He tells me if I get one chore done a day then to be happy with that. But I fear people think I am Lazy...I mean what do I do all day, I'm a stay at home mom. I take care of a baby, which is a full time job.

So my new painting for our walls is going to be "Please Excuse the Mess, My Family is Making Memories"...mostly to remind myself that we don't live in a house but a home and Lilly and our future children are more important and I want them to know that Mommy wants to spend time with them instead of the dishes, vacuum and bleach. And I want them to have GOOD memories growing up...

My new painting

And when Lilly gets old enough and if more children come along I hope to start her and them with age appropriate chores.

Favorite Fridays

I am learning to find the Joys and not focus on the bad...it is hard sometimes to not focus on the negative aspects so here is week 2 of me focusing on the blessings of the week instead of the negatives

1. A husband who willingly helps out around the house

2. A little girl who sleeps through the night and is so pleasant...you would never have guessed that she had horrible Colic her first several months of life.

3. Having all our needs provided...even when you are trying to figure out how to make the last few penny's last til pay day

4. A clean house

5. A little girl who is loving learning new things and wanting to try all kinds of things, and foods.

6. Going on a much needed date with hubby with out baby in tow

7. Being able having my best friend as my husband, who I can speak about anything with

What are you doing?

Lilly has her own personality and her own Likes and dislikes these days...

She prefers to sit up and play with her toys then laying down....

 She also thinks she should be involved in EVERYTHING Gary and I do. She wanted to read Daddy's book so we gave her one of her own!

 I was looking at Newspapers ads and Lilly wanted to sit on my lap with me...She pulled all the ads on the ground...I put her on the ground where she played for 30mins with the ads

I love this pic! all her Toys on one side of her, and the ads on the other side...and her face says which should I play with MOM?

Favorite Things

I have been encouraged to write a list of favorite things from the week past...I will try to come up with a list every Friday, but being a mamma of a 6 month old it might not happen. This week could be hard to get a list since this week was the first time Gary and I have been separated since before we got married, but I have had some wonderful moments this week which I am thankful for

A dear friend, Lorna coming and staying for a few days to keep me company and help with Lilly while Daddy was in Pretoria. 

A little Girl who loves to be thrown up in the air; the laugh she lets out just makes you laugh right with her.

A little baby who is finally learning to sleep through the night, she slept from 10-6 almost every night, one night she slept from 10-8...I loved it and am hopeful it will continue!!

Going to a craft store and buying some stuff to keep my hands busy during down time.

Getting three new books for less then 100 rand ($12)

Speaking to my Husband on the phone several times a day and hearing all the things he is learning

having in-laws that graciously take  care of us in all sorts of ways and help out when ever asked!

A little girl that lights up when ever she is naked! if I would let her she would be in her nappy (diaper) all day long...she even cries when i start to put new clothes on her.

A little girl who LOVES music.

A little social bug...went to the shops to return some winter clothing that was to big for her (since we are now going into spring) and as we were in line waiting for our turn Lilly starting laughing a smiling. I looked in the direction of her laugh and an "Aunty" (as they are called here) was coming in the line behind us. Lilly laughed and talked to her the whole time we waited, as well as all the other people in line with us.

And for a husband who is to be returning home in 2 hrs!!! I have missed so much this week

So with out my husband this week, which i was dreading, I am able to look back and say it was a good week. There were sad moments where I missed my husband so much and Lilly was driving me nuts, but in the end it was a good week and I am thankful for all the little moments that has made it special.

first Trip to the hospital

Sunday night at church Lilly started to cough and wheeze some. I didn't think much about it, just thought she was getting a cold. Monday morning she woke up with a fever so I gave her meds and lots of Fluids hoping she would get better, and to me it seemed that she was better on Tuesday...but I could she didn't feel 100%

my sick little baby

Wed morning she woke up at 3 am, 4 am, 5 am and 630am she woke because of Coughing. She still had a slight fever but nothing bad 99.1, but I was debating whether to not to take to the doctor. We had an appt with the nurse for her 6 month Check up 2pm so I decided I would ask her first. As soon as we walked into her office and she heard Lilly wheezing She asked us to take Lilly to our Pediatrician. We called the Pediatrician and he said to bring her in asap. As soon as we walked into his room, he said she needs to be hospitalized to get breathing treatments Oxygen. Gary and I were devastated. There were a lot of What ifs going on in my head. That if I had taken her to the dr on Monday we wouldn't have to have gone in to the hospital, but Dr Christie said that no matter when we had brought her in he would have sent her to the hospital because its going around and not to scare us but a baby died at one of the Local Hospitals last week because the right precautions weren't taken. Since we don't have medical Aide our Pediatrician sent us to a Govt hospital where children under 6 gets treated for free. (we are so thankful for this) It took a litte bit to get to the pediatric ward because with govt things there are a LOT of steps and hoops you have to go through to get where you need to go, but we finally got to the ward.

Trying to sleep in this strange place.

 Her first couple of breathing treatments were torture for not only her, but me as well. She screamed and I cried. Its this big massive mask with this yucky smelling stuff blowing in her face and she was just frightened. She didn't know what it was or why it was happening.

The nurses turned lights out at 930pm but it was still fairly bright in our room that we shared with to other babies. Lincoln and Philip. Lincoln was 20 months old and had been in hospital 10 days with a fever for no known cause. and Philip was 1 month old with bronchial pneumonia. Lilly's room at home is dark and we rarely turn the lights on at home, so she thought it was daytime all night and barely slept. She and I got about 2 hrs of sleep. We both were exhausted, but the every 2 hr breathing treatments worked well and when the Dr did her rounds at 8 am she said that there was still a slight wheeze but she hopes getting Lilly on an asthma pump will help and then we could go home

Waiting on pharmacy to bring up asthma pump, and Lilly finally sleeping

Going Home

The Dr came back at 12 and said she looked at Lilly's xrays from the day before and her lungs looked better then what she thought (we had a different Dr admit us who originally looked at the xrays) so she said as soon as we get the pump from the pharmacy (they deliver between 12-1) and a nurse shows us how to use it we can go home. The Dr we had (can't remember her name) was a mom of a 6 month old too, so she knows how we were feeling. 

The Hospital, Karl Bremem Hosptial, is a teaching hospital so the Dr we had was doing her residency. but there were lots of young Drs and Nurses working with a Head Dr over them all. It was cool to see

Lilly is now home, she slept 11 hrs last night with only one feed during that time, but she woke up this morning with a terribly blocked nose. It took 30 mins of  off and on of the nose aspirator to get it all out  so she could eat. 

What a way to spend your 6month birthday, on hospital!

6 months

My baby Girl is 6 Months old Tomorrow! Can you believe it! I know I can't.

She has started to roll from back to tummy ( she rolled from tummy to back at 2 weeks old) and is getting up on all fours. I think she will be crawling very soon.

She laughs all the time. 

A happy little girl

Small but Chunky

My little Sweat Pea, Mommy Loves you so much and is so very thankful for you

one of my Favorite Songs that I pray that will be true for all our children

"Planting Trees" by Andrew Peterson

We chose the spot, we dug the hole
We laid the maples in the ground to have and hold
As Autumn falls to Winters sleep
We pray that somehow in the Spring

The roots grow deep

And many years from now
Long after we are gone
These trees will spread their branches out
And bless the dawn

"that they may be called oaks of righteousness,

    the planting of the Lord, that he may be glorified" Isaiah 61:3b

Desires of My heart

Ever since I was a little girl I dreamed of being a Wife and a mother. When I hit 25 yrs old I started to think that was not my calling in Life. I felt maybe the Lord had other plans for me. I was not happy about it what could I do? If God had other plans I would have to find contentment in my life and with the job the Lord had given me to do. After going to Kenya several times I felt the call to go to the mission field, but I really didn't want to go because I knew if I did that would mean I was going to be single the rest of my life. I prayed for contentment and asked the Lord to take the desires of my heart away, so that I could serve him fully and do what he had called me to do. The desires never left, but I knew I had to enter into the mission field. Who knew that while obeying the Lords commands he would bring into my life a wonderful man. 

These past two years have been a complete 180 for me. Gary and I met at the Bible Institute,where I was living and he was studying April 2010. We started dating August 2010. Got engaged November 2010, Got Married April 2011, found out we were expecting August 2011 and Welcomed our baby girl Lilly into the world Feb 2011. She is now 6 months old and such a joy to have.

God continues to be faithful to me even when I do not deserve his love. He has given me the desires of my heart when i thought those desires would never be met. I know God sometimes says No to those desires, but I glad he said yes to me.

April 16, 2011...I give the Lord praise for bringing this man into my life who knows how to deal with all my emotions and loves me unconditionally

My Leap Year Baby...Lillian Christine 3 1/2 weeks early.... That feeling of being a mommy is so great! 

My Family! Thank you Lord for saying yes to my hearts desires!

Snotty Nose Bandit

Lilly woke up at 12 am on Tues night coughing. I fed her and calmed her down. She proceeded to cough all night long and waking around 530 that morning. Needless to say I didn’t sleep much. I was so concerned that she was coughing. She woke up with a snotty nose. And after she fed she puked all over me. I started to give her cough medicine but after talking to my sister she said don’t; that way she can cough up all that is in her lungs. She is a fairly pleasant baby for being sick, but she is pretty pitiful. So Gary and I did the baby Vicks, Saline Drops and when either of got in the shower we put her bouncy seat in the bathroom with us.

That night she woke up at 430 for a feed. We didn’t even get half way through the feed when she puked all of over me and floor; all milk and mucus. GROSS…I don’t handle puke very well so I was thankful that is was night time and the only light in room was her nightlight. I cleaned her and wiped my shoulder and rocked her to sleep.  I promptly took my shirt off before I climbed back into bed at 530. Lilly slept until 830. It was wonderful.

Lilly's medicine cabinet

By Thursday I got a nose aspirator. Our upstairs neighbor must think we are abusing our child the way she screams bloody murder when I use it. But it helps her breath better and she eats and sleeps so much better after a murder session.

We are hoping that she doesn’t get an ear ache with all this snot…so far so good

The Weight of Food Tantrums

Lilly has struggled to gain weight like a normal baby should. She is small. Her parents are small, so what can people expect. The Nurse, who we take Lilly to get weighed and get her shots, wanted her to gain 150 grams a week. She was gaining anywhere from 80-120, so Lizbe (our nurse) put her on 150 ml of formula a day. I felt like such a terrible mother because my baby wasn’t gaining enough weight and I was the food supply. My parents had just left after two weeks of constant on the go, and I got sick right after they left. But I didn’t factor any of that in. I was just a terrible mother who wasn’t producing enough milk, and to top it off my baby refused any and every bottle put in her mouth. Gary and I fought her for two weeks with bottles. I couldn’t take her screaming any more so I decided to start her on cereal.  She was just barely 3 months old and I know that is a huge no no in some people’s books but my mom did it with my brothers so it did with Lilly. She LOVED it. She still isn’t gaining weight like a normal baby should be but we took her into the pediatrician at 4 months and he said “look at you (pointing at Gary and myself), you are short. Don’t expect her to be BIG when you guys aren’t”. I told him about giving her cereal and he didn’t even flinch. He said that is fine. She is now eating rice or corn cereal and either apples or bananas.  She loves it.

Sunday she threw her first temper tantrum… Sundays are always rough on her because she misses her morning nap. She doesn’t sleep very well in her car seat. She is a social baby and wants to know what is going on around her ( a little bit like her momma). She fights sleep even when we are home. Once a month we have a fellowship lunch at the church after the morning Service. Lilly took several 15minute snoozes in my arms but was pretty much a fussy pants. I fixed her cereal, which she usually devours, took her to the cry room (she likes to have milk after she eats her cereal) and proceeded to give it to her. She threw her hand in bowl and screamed. A scream I had never heard out of my child before.  She was mad, she wanted milk not that stuff.  I cleaned her up then fed her. Afterwards I asked a woman in our church who I highly respect with the way they discipline their children “When do you start spanking?”  She advised me that if she is misbehaving spank her. Just lightly slap her on her hand so that she knows what she did is bad. You know I never have had a problem spanking my nieces or nephews but to spank my own child, it hurts. You know all those years of hearing my dad say “this is going to hurt me more then it hurts you” is so true. I never believed him at those moments of sitting on his bed waiting for my punishment, but now I know how true it is. It is torture to spank…

A day in the life of Lilly

What a life to be a baby...

Lilly usually wakes up anywhere from 530  to 630 every morning... for a mommy who until she had baby said 7 was early this has been a big change. I feed her and then she gets to spend time with Daddy and Mommy in bed

If she isn't ready for a nap she enjoys playing with her "friends" as we call them. She coos and smiles and  constantly kicks her legs and arms while on her play mat.

After she plays, we get her dressed for the day! These days its been so cold that we put lots of layers on her...This day Daddy dressed her!

Don't I look so peaceful sleeping

Naps have been a struggle for us...She does so well at night that I can't really complain. But sometimes she wont even take a nap in the afternoon...and she is super cranky. When she doesn't take her afternoon nap she goes to bed early. We removed her sleep position cushions because I had found her pretty much sleeping on top of them. Lilly is a little bit like her momma when she sleeps. I have found her all sorts of positions in the crib; laying width way, or she has done a complete 180 in her crib. It cracks me up. 

She might take 3 good naps in the day if I am lucky. Her naps last anywhere from 30 mins to 2 hours. Most days its 3 or 4  30 minute cat naps. These kill me because I can't get a whole lot done, and I don't really have any time for me. But I guess that is being a momma

One of our favorite daily activities is being outside (as long as it isn't raining). Lilly loves feeding the Ducks. She just watches in wonder. One of my ways of calming her down when she is screaming for no reason is taking her outside. It is amazing how as soon as we outside she stops.

Another activity for the day is Reading. Lilly and I lay on the floor and read books. She loves staring at the brightly colored books. I hope she loves to read. I hope to get her library card this week.

These burp cloths follow Lilly wherever she goes...She has 6 really cute ones and a couple not so cute, but when you are a puker you just need to have them on stand by. You can see them in several of the photos posted above.

Lilly goes down around 6. We start her bedtime reutine around 5 with feed, bath, PJ's, daddy reading a bible story and praying, Feed then bed!
What a life it is to be a baby. Poop, Sleep, Play, EAT. Having people wait on you hand and foot, come at your beckon call. Falling asleep on Daddy's shoulder. Oh what a life

Your will be done...

So often I get myself so excited about something that I don't even think about the sacrifice that it would take for it to accomplish my desires. And then the sacrifices are presented to me and my heart aches because I  know I have been a fool and I just wish I could get my way. I want my way to often. How many times do I actually take these things before the Lord and lay them there and say "Your will be done". I know I did that when I thought just maybe Gary was pursuing me, but I am ashamed to say I don't think I have done that really since. I get so caught up in my wants and dreams that I loose sight of the one who can do all things, but only does those things that are good for us (even if it hurts). He sent his only son to die on the cross for us. It hurt him, but it was good. Jesus prayed in the garden "Lord take this cup from me, but not my will but yours be done" He knew how painful it was going to be but he was willing to make that sacrifice if that was the Lords will for him. and Now I sit here with a heart that is sore because I wants and desires for the future might not happen the way I want them to, but I have to say LORD, YOUR WILL BE DONE...

A Mothers Calling

My sister-in-law sent me this article a couple of weeks ago...It is so good I thought I would post it here for others to read.

Motherhood Is a Calling (And Where Your Children Rank)

by Rachel Jankovic ⁠|⁠ July 14, 2011

A few years ago, when I just had four children and when the oldest was still three, I loaded them all up to go on a walk. After the final sippy cup had found a place and we were ready to go, my two-year-old turned to me and said, “Wow! You have your hands full!”

She could have just as well said, “Don’t you know what causes that?” or “Are they all yours?!”

Everywhere you go, people want to talk about your children. Why you shouldn’t have had them, how you could have prevented them, and why they would never do what you have done. They want to make sure you know that you won’t be smiling anymore when they are teenagers. All this at the grocery store, in line, while your children listen.

A Rock-Bottom Job?

The truth is that years ago, before this generation of mothers was even born, our society decided where children rank in the list of important things. When abortion was legalized, we wrote it into law.

Children rank way below college. Below world travel for sure. Below the ability to go out at night at your leisure. Below honing your body at the gym. Below any job you may have or hope to get. In fact, children rate below your desire to sit around and pick your toes, if that is what you want to do. Below everything. Children are the last thing you should ever spend your time doing.

If you grew up in this culture, it is very hard to get a biblical perspective on motherhood, to think like a free Christian woman about your life, your children. How much have we listened to partial truths and half lies? Do we believe that we want children because there is some biological urge, or the phantom “baby itch”? Are we really in this because of cute little clothes and photo opportunities? Is motherhood a rock-bottom job for those who can’t do more, or those who are satisfied with drudgery? If so, what were we thinking?

It's Not a Hobby

Motherhood is not a hobby, it is a calling. You do not collect children because you find them cuter than stamps. It is not something to do if you can squeeze the time in. It is what God gave you time for.

Christian mothers carry their children in hostile territory. When you are in public with them, you are standing with, and defending, the objects of cultural dislike. You are publicly testifying that you value what God values, and that you refuse to value what the world values. You stand with the defenseless and in front of the needy. You represent everything that our culture hates, because you represent laying down your life for another—and laying down your life for another represents the gospel.

Our culture is simply afraid of death. Laying down your own life, in any way, is terrifying. Strangely, it is that fear that drives the abortion industry: fear that your dreams will die, that your future will die, that your freedom will die—and trying to escape that death by running into the arms of death.

Run to the Cross

But a Christian should have a different paradigm. We should run to to the cross. To death. So lay down your hopes. Lay down your future. Lay down your petty annoyances. Lay down your desire to be recognized. Lay down your fussiness at your children. Lay down your perfectly clean house. Lay down your grievances about the life you are living. Lay down the imaginary life you could have had by yourself. Let it go.

Death to yourself is not the end of the story. We, of all people, ought to know what follows death. The Christian life is resurrection life, life that cannot be contained by death, the kind of life that is only possible when you have been to the cross and back.

The Bible is clear about the value of children. Jesus loved them, and we are commanded to love them, to bring them up in the nurture of the Lord. We are to imitate God and take pleasure in our children.

The Question Is How

The question here is not whether you are representing the gospel, it is how you are representing it. Have you given your life to your children resentfully? Do you tally every thing you do for them like a loan shark tallies debts? Or do you give them life the way God gave it to us—freely?

It isn’t enough to pretend. You might fool a few people. That person in line at the store might believe you when you plaster on a fake smile, but your children won’t. They know exactly where they stand with you. They know the things that you rate above them. They know everything you resent and hold against them. They know that you faked a cheerful answer to that lady, only to whisper threats or bark at them in the car.

Children know the difference between a mother who is saving face to a stranger and a mother who defends their life and their worth with her smile, her love, and her absolute loyalty.

Hands Full of Good Things

When my little girl told me, “Your hands are full!” I was so thankful that she already knew what my answer would be. It was the same one that I always gave: “Yes they are—full of good things!”

Live the gospel in the things that no one sees. Sacrifice for your children in places that only they will know about. Put their value ahead of yours. Grow them up in the clean air of gospel living. Your testimony to the gospel in the little details of your life is more valuable to them than you can imagine. If you tell them the gospel, but live to yourself, they will never believe it. Give your life for theirs every day, joyfully. Lay down pettiness. Lay down fussiness. Lay down resentment about the dishes, about the laundry, about how no one knows how hard you work.

Stop clinging to yourself and cling to the cross. There is more joy and more life and more laughter on the other side of death.

The Walking Zombie

My mind feels like mush most of the time. I can hardly remember what I need to do let alone what I did 10 minutes ago. Even now as I sit here to type I can hardly string a sentence together. What is going on with me...oh yeah I had a baby. My sister told me that her husband said she lost a 1/4 of her brain cells with each kid...she has 5...you do the math. That is how I feel. I think Lilly has zapped all my brain cells out of my head. The funny thing is I am getting enough sleep at night. She wakes only twice at night and I fall asleep usually around 8 these days (my poor husband, he ends up finishing what ever movie we started by himself.) I think I am a walking Zombie! Will my mind ever be right again? (Gretchen keep your mouth Shut about whether it was ever right in the first place)

Can you believe it! I am 3 months old today! Oh, how time Fly's...

I am starting to really enjoy this little Girl as I can interact with her more and more. Her colic isn't as bad and she is a great night time sleeper.

Crazy, Wonderful, tearful Life

Wonderful, Crazy, Exhausting, Amazing, Emotional, Joy, Tough, Unconditional Love….

That sums it up! I am a Mom of a 12 week old. I love my daughter with all my heart, but this is harder than I thought. I am no longer concerned about my needs, but I have to take care of a helpless child. I have been around babies practically my whole life. I am good with babies; other people’s babies. Many thought I was baby whisperer. I have learned I am not, but I am learning. By Gods grace, I am learning

Mothers Day2012

 Colic, Acid Reflux, Puke, Tiny, Sweet, Adorable, Baby Doll…

That sums up my daughter. Even when she is crying so hard and I don’t know what to do with her, she is cute as a button. We have her colic and Acid reflux under control with Medication, but if she doesn’t get it on time what a cranky little girl she can be.

She smells momma and all she wants to do it eat. She can be scream blue murder in my arms, daddy takes her and she is all smiles. She coos and talks to him, for me she gives smiles, but rarely talks. DADDY’S Girls…Will she be like me and my daddy? I believe so!

Daddy's Girl: Studying with Daddy is the best

She is going to be a little thing her whole life. That is fine. She is in the less than 5%  for her age. But she loves to eat and only wants mommy’s milk from mommy. No bottles for her. I pray that as she gets older she will take a bottle, because I would love to leave her with a babysitter once a week so I can go back to tutoring.

These past 3 months have been exhausting, life changing but so wonderful. I never thought being a momma could be this trying. I am learning a lot about myself through this experience, but through the tears (mine and hers) and sweat I love her unconditionally. I am looking forward to her being older where I can interact with her more and more. What a joy she is.

One More Night in the Light

I was prepared to go home on Friday. I was excited to take my daughter home. It was time for the Pediatrician to come and discharge her and I was ready. All the nurses said she was healthy and she was such a good eater. Lilly's Pediatrician was not working that weekend, so his partner had to come and discharge her. She had a little bit of jaundice but nothing terrible so I was ready to go home.

My emotions that day I could tell were shaky. They say that when your milk comes in you become very emotional. Gary was at home getting last minute things done before we brought our baby girl home that afternoon, so I had to meet with the Dr all by myself with emotions on the rocks.

The Dr came and checked Lilly out, she had lost some weight and she had jaundice. So he wanted me to give her formula and to stay an extra night. Formula? Seriously? An extra night? My emotions erupted and tears started to flow. I told him that my milk was starting to come in and I was not going to give my baby formula unless she doesn't pick up the 30 grams he required for discharge. She had to stay under the lights to get her levels down. I was a basket case. I wanted my baby home. I was tired of being in the hospital. I wanted to sleep in my own bed next to my husband. I wasn't prepared for this.

Several nurses came into my room and helped me to calm down and explained that if they discharge Lilly and she gets sick she has to go into the pead ward where there are lots of germs and it is best for her to stay in the sterile environment of the Maternity Ward.

I called Gary sobbing and told him I needed him there. He came quickly. What a wonderful man. He handled his wife tears well. 

WE posted on Facebook for Prayers, so the whole world was sending up supplications to the Lord on Lilly's behalf.

I fed Lilly every 2 hours and she was under the light for little less then 24 hours. She hated the sunglasses they put on her and took them off several times, but when Pathcare came and retested her jaundice level Saturday morning they had dropped considerably. The nurse weighed her at 8am and  she hadn't gained much, so the Doctor said weigh her again at 4pm and call me. He said she didn't have to be under the lights any more. All I had to do on Saturday was concentrate on feeding her. I think the Dr saw how determined I was not to use formula so he didn't mention it again. I kept her in my room and fed her all day long. when it came time for her to be weighed again she not only gained the 30 grams the Dr wanted but she gained an extra 5 for good measure. The Lord was wonderful in answering the prayers.

Usually they don't discharge babies until they are 2.5 Kilos, but after discussing it with the Dr and assuring him I had a great support team at home he let us go home with the promise that we would get her weighed every week until she hit that mark. The first week she gained 110 grams ( she was now back at her birth weight) the following week she had gained 240 grams. We take her this thursday for her 3rd weigh in and we will see how much she has gained, I am guessing she is at the 2.5 kilo mark now but we will see. (Pic of Lilly after she was released from the lights, thing on head was for her jaundice check)

Premie, but sweet

For 8 months I had read all I could about pregnancy and labor. I had all this knowledge and I was ready. I was not nervous. I wanted a natural childbirth with no medication. I had said women have been doing this for centuries I can do it as well.

All the books told me not to expect your water to break like it does in the movies.  They say that it only happens that on rare occasions. I should of guessed that I would be that rare occasion, since I got PUPPPS, a rare pregnancy rash that only affects about 2% of first time pregnancies.

Gary and I borrowed the last three Star Wars movies from a friend. We started “Return of the Jedi” after dinner on Tuesday. This was my favorite one out of all of them because of the Ewoks. Near the end of the movie around 930 I felt as if I had lost all control of my bladder. I sat straight up and ran to the bathroom. I was highly embarrassed.  After coming back to bed and having to run to the bathroom a second time I started to wonder if it really was a bladder problem, or had my water broke. I told Gary of my suspicion and he asked if I was having contractions. I wasn’t. We finished the movie after having to take all the bedding of the bed, then headed to bed around 10pm. 30 minutes later I started to feel some discomfort in my lower abdomen. I started to time what I thought could be contractions. As I was doing this it hit me that If I was in labor this baby was going to be born on leap year, another rarity. An hour later I woke Gary up (if you know Gary; that is a hard thing to do) and told him I was having contractions every 7-10 minutes apart. He quickly went online and it said if your water breaks call the Doctor. After speaking with my Doctor he told me to go to the hospital right away, because if your water breaks then there is chance of an infection getting to the baby.

We arrived at Durbanville Medi-Clinic sometime after midnight. The nurse checked me right away and I wasn’t even dilated. But my water had indeed broke. She hooked me up to the monitor and my contractions to her were very small. I was thinking if these are small contractions then am I going to be able to do this drug free. They took me out of the labor ward and put me in a hospital room since first time mom’s labors last usually a long time. My contractions quickly got closer and closer together and more and more painful. Sister Mavvy, my nurse,  asked me if I was sure I wanted to do this with out any drugs since I was already in so much pain and I had a long night ahead of me. I was determined. She hooked me up to the monitor again and still my contractions were showing to be very small. The problem was the monitor was high on my abdomen and all my contractions were down low. I gave in asked for pethadine. It helps you to relax. Once she gave it to me I was able to rest the few short minute’s in-between contractions. Sister Mavvy could see how much pain I was in and again asked “ If There is something out there that can take the pain away why don’t you use it.” At that point I was all for taking the pain away.

 Around 430 am I told Gary they needed to check me again because I felt like I needed to push. They took me back to the Labor ward and I was 8 cm dilated and I had missed the window for an epidural. Gary and I were like ok Lord we said we wanted to do this without one so I guess you are saying helping us keep that.  Dr Deale showed up shortly after. I was screaming. There was no more breathing techniques that would help.

Deale said we are doing the epidural, she is going to be laboring like this for another hour. The problem with doing the epidural was that I was having one contraction after the other with no breaks in-between and I was to be perfectly still while he inserted the medicine into my spine. After several attempts the doctor said that if I didn’t sit still he was not going to be able to do it. Gary bear hugged me and made me immobilized through his strength. Deale got the epidural in and I was almost instantly numb. 45 minutes later with the help of forceps and an episiotomy little Lilly came into the world. She weighed in at 2.02 kilo grams and was 45 cm long.

So it just shows you can read all you want, but nothing will prepare you for how your body will handle labor. 

Blessings

God has been so good to Gary and I. He has given us such a loving Community all around us that has blessed us time and time again, not just here in South Africa, but also in the US as well.

We recently were thrown a baby shower for the soon arrival of little Lilly. It is amazing how much stuff we were given. God is so good.

We thank all those who came and blessed us beyond words can say. We also want to thank all of you who have given so much to Gary and I in this year of firsts for us :)